If you have not seen episode one of True Blood season 4, and you plan to, do not read this post!!!
In an earlier post, I admitted to being a big fan of all things vampire. So it was with much excitement that I waited for the start of last night's season opener of HBO's True Blood. Let's leave aside the fact that the writers chose not to follow the perfectly good, and sufficiently full of HBO level sex and shock value, plot line that Charlaine Harris laid out in her Sookie Stackhouse series upon which the show is based. We pretty much knew that was trashed after Lafayette got, well, not dead in the first season. A very happy choice - love his character! But last night's episode...seriously? To quote "My Sassy Gay Friend" (whose videos you might want to check out on YouTube), "What, what, what are you doing?"
For those of you who have read the books, when Claudine showed up at the end of last season ostensibly to take Sookie away to Fairy Land, and she was decidedly NOT Claudine-like, I knew that something was truly amiss. Why take a character whose curves would thwart a Ferrari and turn her into Earth Mother? Last night, as D and I sat watching the first few scenes of Fairy Land, we turned to each other and said, simultaneously, "This is like that episode of Star Trek.." Remember the one where all the aliens were young, beautiful, and totally naive? There's one in the original and one in Next Generation - take your pick - that was Fairy Land. Cheese city. And then...they served everyone "light fruits." Glowing orbs of honey colored light shaped like persimmons and served by beautiful fairies in GrecoRoman attire. I am not making this up. And of course, if you ate of the fruit, you would lose all track of time and could not leave Fairy Land. Hadn't these people read the Odyssey? The myth of Persephone? The Bible? Seen Percy Jackson? Think once, think twice, think...don't eat the fruit. Although, in Eden, A&E did gain knowledge, but that's a post for another day.
Then...the fairies turned evil and Sookie ended up somewhere in Joshua Tree and she had to jump into a deep abyss to get back to Kansas...I mean BonTemps...where...wait for it...an entire year had passed. This weak plot point/cop out served to allow the writers to fast forward through BonTemps time and completely change everyone's basic character. Andy Bellefleur is addicted to V? Sure. Jason is the responsible cop? AND he's responsible for all of the inbred inhabitants of Hot Shot, even though Crystal is nowhere to be found? Um...ok. Aunt Petunia Dursley (Fiona Shaw) plays a witch who brings her parakeet back to life only with the addition of Lafayette, who is apparently a powerful brujo, to her coven...wait...did I say Aunt Petunia? From Harry Potter? Yes, I did! Bill is the King of Louisiana? Yep! His hair is cut differently, even though vampires' hair stays exactly the same as when they die according to this mythos. Ok, I know that was a geek moment. Eric owns Sookie's house because he was the only one who knew she wasn't dead... I can't go on. The sheer amount of cheese is overwhelming. Oh! I almost forgot! Tara is a lesbian cage fighter named Toni!
There are only three television shows that I actually set aside time to watch regularly. All three have short runs: RuPaul's Drag Race, Dexter, and True Blood. Psychoanalyze as you will. Perhaps the universe is telling me I need to do something else on summer Sunday nights. Sookie!